I will understand if none of the miracles for which I have begged come to pass. It is true, dear Lord, that the miracle I needed above all else happened long ago, yet you knew I would continue to long, continue to beg. So, from the lungs of a broken man, you loosed a victory cry that would echo through the ages: “It is finished.”

Still you welcome my needy whimpers and angry shouts, because you love when my ferocious, hungry soul turns to you. And if you answer me? It is an act of love. And if you let me listen in silence? It is an act of love.

Each breath I draw and the last breath I will ever taste are given by a God who knows my needs and has already ever granted the deepest need of a broken heart.

I will understand if none of my prayers receive the answer I desire.

For I am loved.

For I do not walk alone.

For you are faithful.

For you are my God.

Let me cast myself at your feet, Lord of all my days. Let my soul cling to you and submit all else to you, beneath you.

You spoke the world into existence; beauty itself was birthed by your being.

And, by the same might and power, you lifted the seas and covered the earth–and yet made provision for your beloved.

The sun and the moon stand still before our eyes when you so desire it.

You gave a man life and breath in the belly of a whale.

Throughout all time, Lord, you have healed us and saved us from our demons.

And then, Lord, you rose!

So I will understand if the miracles I long for never come to pass. This soul of mine has been redeemed, though it took eternity and the impossible to bring me salvation.

And I can never understand that.

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