As we all know, relationships are wonderful and variety is terrible. Or something like that. Anyway, I’m going to talk about relationships again because nobody can stop me.
My mainest thoughts today are about understanding and effort and result.
I’ve heard (or at least I thought I had; upon researching, I seem to have created it myself. Oh well.) that the sign of someone with whom you can build a strong relationship is not their ability to predict your needs, but their ability to respond to them. It makes a lot of sense logically and seems fairly self-evident. But is that the way I’ve been treating people?
Hahahahahahahahano. I have this interesting and ridiculous dream about this magical race of people that will somehow know that I want someone to yank me by force out of my shell and know exactly when to leave me alone and when to keep poking me till I realize that they really do want me to talk and also to know that I really do love them even when I’m giving them one word answers and seeming terribly preoccupied. (Run-ons. I’m good at the run-ons.) Honestly…I have yet to find that race of people. Probably because they live inside my head and are called me.
But I’m the example of what not to do. (Horrible warning vs. good example.) I should be able to tell people what I need, and if they were the good kind of friend and I wasn’t the overdemanding kind of friend, they should be able to respond to that in whatever way they can. Nobody’ll ever know just what I need without me telling them, and they shouldn’t have to.
And that “whatever way they can” thing has to do with my theory of effort vs. result. It may not, of course, be entirely true of me yet, but I want it to be true at some point. I think the most important thing of any relationship – Platonic, professional, or romantic – is the ability to try, not the ability to succeed. Sure, succeeding is great. But is the answer, the success, the solving of the problem, is that really what demonstrates a love for each other? I’d say no. The effort people give to me and their relationships with me and even their relationships with others is what I look at. To be willing to work with another, to compromise, to show humility and a desire for the good of another is the beauty I see. It doesn’t really matter if they fail or if they make a mistake, just so long as they’re trying.
But that may just be because I’m terrible at results and am trying to make myself feel better.